My Perfection Spin Class

When I was in fourth, or maybe fifth, grade, my parents got an exercise bike.  This was around the time I vowed to dedicate my young existence to the pursuit of perfectionism.  I figured perfection was the ultimate life hack.  I figured if I could make myself perfect, I could bypass all messy emotions and situations.  Then, I could bask everyday in a state of bliss and accomplishment.  

I imagined I could make substantial progress towards my goal by exercising consistently.  So, I commanded myself to wake up early each day before school and ride that darn stationary bike, hard, for twenty minutes.  

Looking back, there’s a part of me that thinks, “Dang, Jason, that was an awfully mature decision to make at such a young age.”  And I suppose it was.  If only, I didn’t also vividly remember following this routine exactly once.  In fairness, it was probably a handful of times.  Regardless, I abruptly quit the routine because the part of me that wanted to sleep in longer triumphed over the part of me that thought I should ride diligently.

Later this month, I turn 49.  From this vantage point, I see that my exemplary grade school exercise routine was doomed to be a bust because I found it both tedious and disruptive of my sleep schedule.  To this day, I find the combination of tedium and less sleep than I prefer very demotivating.

However, I have discovered that I enjoy being an avid walker.  I walk for an hour or two almost every day.  I walk not to appease the perfectionistic voices inside my head, but because I love to walk.  I also change up my route just about every time I saunter about.  Even in Sioux Falls, a city I’ve explored since I was a child, I still find fresh routes to take.  To me, my consistent walks are both fascinating and exciting.

However, there’s a yin for this yang. When I wake up in the morning I also have made a commitment to a practice of lying in bed and taking 160 deep, conscious breaths with my eyes closed before I get up and commence my yoga routine.  I suppose that sounds somewhat akin to the monotonous idea of riding an exercise bike for twenty minutes every day and yet, I find enjoyment and get great comfort, focus and centeredness in my current morning routine.  

In terms of accomplishing the things I intend to do, I find that I’m neither an always-changing-it-up person nor a routine person.  I’m both.

For me, it’s important to strike a balance between maintenance and challenge.  If all I did was dedicate my life to  a repetitive routine, I’d Groundhog-Day-myself right into tedium, and yet, if all I did was constantly challenge myself to experience the world in new and expansive ways, I’d probably find myself in a perpetual state of dishevel, uncertainty and overwhelm.

Sometimes our lives become more fun, expansive and productive when we realize that we don’t have to have one perfect approach to life.  We can, instead, give ourselves the freedom to approach each day in a great variety of ways depending on the circumstances.

Writing this, I realize that I will never ride an exercise bike every morning for twenty minutes, without fail, because I’m not perfect.

And somehow, knowing I don’t have to be perfect feels so much more, well, perfect.

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