If I’m calculating correctly, the spring of my 7th grade year was 1989. That was the year I attempted to take my own life because I was utterly distraught about having a disability, my best friend and grandma having died a few years before, and the world news filling me with fear.
I had no idea how to cope with these things that I found awful and hated, so I went to war with myself, by attempting to take my own life.
But luckily my heart wasn’t into going down that path.
In the moment that I called for help, I chose not only to keep living life with all of its sometimes overwhelming and brutal challenges, but to keep being a son to my mother and father, keep being a cousin to my cousins, a nephew to my aunts and uncles, a grandkid to my grandparents, and a friend to my friends.
I chose to live into an uncertain future, a future that has in time brought so many amazing things I dearly love.
I could envision none of this in 7th grade. My capacity to dream, let alone dream big, seemed to not exist.
I mention this because people you may know, or maybe even you, struggle with depression, anxiety, other mental health challenges and suicidal ideation. People endure things they really don’t like about themselves, loss of loved ones, concern about the news and what is becoming of the world.
If it were easy and clear cut as to how to get out of dark places, there would likely be much more joy in the world.
But the road to feeling better can feel complicated, exhausting and long.
I’m so extremely thankful that I kept going. Even though healing has been a very challenging road, it’s a road I’m very glad I traveled.
If you or someone you know is in a rough spot I have no exact answers for you other than to keep going. Don’t be afraid to call people you trust for help, or if it sounds better in the moment, call 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline– https://988lifeline.org/about/.
Had I called it quits in 7th grade, I would never have known the abundant and happy life I have now.
Life sometimes changes slowly for the better.
Sometimes it changes quickly.
For example, part of the reason for my overwhelming anxiety, confusion and that everything seemed completely unmanageable and disorienting the spring of my 7th grade year, was my terror at the idea of accidental nuclear war breaking out between the USA and the USSR.
And guess what happened a few months after I attempted suicide?
The Berlin Wall fell on November 9, 1989, a pivotal moment that paved the way for the end of the Cold War and calmed the intensity of the nuclear arms race I was frantic about.
What a relief.
If I had killed myself I would have never known this relief.
Having patience when we are feeling heartache is so important.
And so hard!
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JASON FREEMAN is a Professional Speaker and the proud owner of a Speech Impediment. He is also the author of “Awkwardly Awesome: Embracing My Imperfect Best” and a Perseverance Coach.
He excites and encourages his audience to break through the barriers of their own limitations using a method he created, called “Doing your Imperfect Best ™”.
His Imperfect TEDx Talk can be viewed here.
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